Dear Baby Lucas,

I remember that Friday… Your Uncle J and I took your cousins to a festival in town. I was with Ari (your oldest cousin), watching her ride go-carts. Across the street was Uncle J and Emi (your 5, going-on-15 year old cousin). Uncle J had a look on his face that I knew… something was wrong. He showed me your message. Immediately, I told him “It’s not true”, I told him to be optimistic, they will find your tiny heartbeat.

Then your daddy confirmed that you had crossed the river. I still didn’t believe that it was true. Uncle J went to sit in the car, he doesn’t cry much, but he cried for you. He cried for your mommy and daddy.

Driving home, he told your cousins that you went to heaven. Emi did not understand, but Ari got angry. In an irate voice she asked, “ Why did God give Auntie Z a baby and then take it back?” We didn’t have an answer. So she kept yelling, “Tell me why?” We still didn’t have an answer.

That night we went to sleep without eating or taking baths. We were sad, angry and in disbelief.

Saturday morning rolled around, I called your mommy and daddy, still doubting that Friday happened. Her radiant smile and sparkle in her eyes was not there. Your dad barely said a word, he barely looked at the camera. At that point, it became a reality… You were in Heaven.

I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t begin to understand what they were feeling. I told your mom a Bible verse that I repeated to myself when the future was uncertain. But she and your dad were numb.

As soon as I hung up the phone, I cried my eyes out. It wasn’t fair. Your mom and dad are some of the kindest, generous and humble people I know. They deserved to have you to hold.

Emi said that she was sad she didn’t get to play with you. She remembers you when you were in your mommy’s belly. We told her she could play with you when she gets to heaven.

When I looked at your face, you were so beautiful. And if your heart was like your mommy and daddy, chances are you were too beautiful for this world.

Rest in peace, baby Lucas.

Auntie K